You would think finding out that you had cancer is probably one of the worst things you could hear. And then you find out there are other carats attached to that. But you continue to not be able to hear the parts you can't deal with. I should really stop whining about this because I survived and got my life and health back....just not the life I thought I was going to have.
"It's not so bad, it's early and we can get it." - OK, Age 36, Single. If you make it five years, you're cured - Great! Four years and nine months later - hello again, but not in the same location, in the opposite pole. I can still deal though, Age 39, Married. Ten months later, guess what... it's here again at the original pole. This time chances are slim that it has not spread. I never fall into the slim chance category.....except for this time! Just a little radiation and maybe chemo and you'll be good as new. OK, Age 40, Married.
When I was five, I loved playing with my dolls. After I started menstruating, Age 12, I thought I knew all the wonderful feelings I was going to have as I became a woman. Dreamed about it constantly. When no one was home, I would occasionally stuff a pillow into my shirt to make believe I was pregnant, because to me that symbolized the true and only way you were a real woman, and WHEN that happened to me, not if, well that was the only real thing I wanted out of life. When I cramped up once a month, I imagined that's what labor would be like, but a little more extreme like on TV.
If I didn't get married, I would go to a sperm donation facility, no problem. I could do this on my own ..........
Except.....The doctor came in and told me now how "lucky" I am. Oh, and by the way, you really shouldn't get pregnant. We advise against it strongly, particularly with your type of cancer. I felt the blood drain down to my feet. There is no way you cna be saying this to me, and being my forceful, optimistic self, I persisted. "What if I do, what can happen?!? If the cancer were to return while you are pregnant, we would not be able to treat you, and while you would probably survive to give birth, you most likely would not see the baby's first birthday.
I didn't care what they all said. I was going to do it anyway, I had to.................................
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