Monday, October 18, 2010

Blog 9 - My first essay analysis

In my first essay, I definitely established the "I" fromation and goals.  While I believe I made some seriously necessary points, there were some definite areas where more clarity was needed.  I attempted a segmentation strategy to offer my points in a more compelling way, that I deemed successful.  In order to revise it to be more successful, I would try to focus in on some points that were somewhat blurred.  This thoughts were definitely a result of the delving questions brought up in my writing conference.  Some of these should be based on "eye" perceptions, from both a cultural and personal standpoint.  Making a cultural point in introducing my thoughts will bring on more attention and curiosity by the reader and clarifications that were questioned by my classmates.

In exploring my next essay in terms of craft or content, I would want to bring in more of others'perspectives and make it still a bit less emotional and personal while bringing out a more concrete focus based on the control of stronger facts, which may have had a profound effect on me, as I wrote it.

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